An Ocean too big =)

Somewhere deep under,



Sloth: Is a fuggin black sea snail.
Sloth: Is somewhat used to the darkness.
Sloth: Is very used to being alone.






Emerald: Is a pretty green fish.
Emerald: Is very used to chillin'@ radiant areas of d' sea
Emerald: Does not really like bein' alone.



Regardless of their former acquaintanceship, this time they decided to stop...n' talk..n' understand each other a lil' bit more... (for awhile)... .. .. =)

"Weezer - Islands in the Sun"

Emerald: Hey tiny, you usually don't surface this far

Sloth: Yea..i got a lil' used to the light. No harm in that i guess..more algae grow out here anyways.

Emerald: Why do you like it in there anyways? It's so dark you can hardly see anything.

Sloth: I dunno... i think the ugliest predators lurk in the light.. and within the darkness which shrouds the inner caverns.. i feel safe =)



Since then, Emerald lurked around the opening of the cavern more. It could possibly be concluded, that she wanted to learn more about the darkness within. On the other hand, Sloth moved closer towards the light...perhaps he wanted to engage in further conversations with Emerald..or maybe he just wanted to hear more about the wonders of the light. Likewise, they were very drawn to each other. One could say it was a rather unexpected opposite attraction. Or subconsciously, maybe.. just maybe.. beyond the excuse of learning more about each others worlds.. the enactment of the two, gave them both a sense of..a never before felt state of 'completion'. Like a sip of hot chocolate during winter.. or an indulgence of vanilla ice cream during summer. A state of temporal ecstasy =)

Day after day, they met. They would talk n' talk n' talk n' they had so much to share, they'd almost never stop. They grew really fond of each other. Emerald, being her cautious female self, would always make sure she'd never swim too deep into the caverns.. Sloth would tell her stories and her curiosity would drive her to swim a lil' deeper within but she'd always make sure she'd never dwell too far. Sloth on the other hand, could only move at snail pace. The closer he got to the light, the greater his fears escalated; for Sloth is only a tiny black snail. He did not have the ability to quickly move back and forth like Emerald, neither would he be able to learn more about the light if he'd keep on moving back and forth at snail pace. Sloth was afraid that he would get devoured, crushed, or swept away by the current. But he knew that Emerald was there...with that thought alone, he felt slightly stronger. ..secure...and safe. Likewise Emeralds escapades into the depths was always warranted by Sloths descriptive narration. "There's a nests of Murray eels at 314m East, you better be on the lookout for them when you head that way pretty". Sloths presence granted Emerald a temporal state of liberation on her fears for darkness. As their bonds of trust strengthened, so did the scope of their exploration.


"Jay-Z feat. Beyonce Knowles - Bonnie & Clyde"

Emerald: I wonder how racing a shark would feel like. I bet i'd be so 'high' on adrenaline~!

Sloth: ..you wanna try doing that?

Emerald: What?? I could? How? Tell me~ tell me~~

Sloth: Hahaha crazy you!! No way...

Emerald: But i wanna try =(

Sloth: ..ok...fine..we could do this together. I'll cling on to you.. and you follow exactly what i say...

Emerald: Yay!






Sloth firmly clutched on to Emerald fins and they rode together 614m East into the caverns. Sloth articulately gave directions, Emerald swam gracefully. They reached their destination point where Apartheid, a fearsome shark resided. Apartheid was asleep. Emerald woke Apartheid up by dashing quickly past him. Noticing Emerald & Sloth's presence, Apartheid, startled by the waves of Emeralds dash; began chasing after the two violently. Concerned and terrified, Sloth guided Emerald through various canals eloquently. Emerald, feeling all hyped...swam fast with tremendous thrill. It was never a close chase due to the unfair head start they had and Sloths solid knowledge of the caverns' pathways. They both enjoyed the moment =)





"Yellowcard - Ocean Avenue"

Emerald: That was soooo funnnnnnn~~

Sloth: It scared the shit outta me but i guess it shure was ..hehe

Emerald: *hem* i could get used to the craziness hahaha.. i like~~

Sloth: I should get off now...i don't want to get too attached to you *laughs*

Emerald: yes...*shoo* off tiny...hahaha..

Sloth: ...i'd *shoo* off when you'd get me to the entrance again...it'll take me forever to get
back there by myself..

Emerald: Then how in the world did you know the passage ways so well? You're not gonna tell me you've walked the whole cavern have you?

Sloth: I know everything up till 541m deep...impressive huh? hahaha... and yes i've walked all around up till' there. I've covered every spec of it.

Emerald: Where do you find such time?....why do you appreciate the darkness so much? I mean...the phrase 'have a bright and sunny day' would make more sense as opposed to 'have a dark and cloudy day'...hahaha...you get me? Geez...get yourself out of there...there's so many wonderful things to see out here in the light~!!

Sloth: Haha..you sarcastic green twit =P...Like i said before. I feel safe within the darkness. Its my built comfort zone. I work very well within it. Its a whole different ball game out there in the light. I'm not you. Like you said..I'm just a tiny black snail. I don't have the luxury of swimming around with school's of fishes...neither do I have anything to call my own. Given my level of significance in d' aquatic equation, I'm often pushed away...be it by the currents of the ocean or larger predators...I get pushed away....what would you know about being pushed away...I'm so used to being alone secluded in the darkness. It might appear blunt to you, but it keeps me free from any forms of calamity...to wake up everyday in my safe haven, that to me, is comforting enough =)

Emerald: ....haha whatever you say tiny...drop off points here...i'll see you tomorrow~~






Emerald just couldn't bring herself to understand Sloth's stand point. Nonetheless, she respected his views. That day, marked a representation of wholesome heartfelt emotions; for the both of them. That faithful day sparked the making of a decision. Maybe not for Emerald...but for Sloth... Sloth realized he was getting a lil' to attached to Emerald. Therefore, in effort to reduce proximity..the following day... he decided to tell her how he felt..


"Sarah McLachlan - Elsewhere"

Sloth: ..Hey...

Emerald: Hey...what's up? You look a whole lot less cheerful today..nya ha ha =P

Sloth: ...There's something i need to say...

Emerald:... ?

Sloth: ... Don't take this the wrong way... but...before i met you.... i felt very hollow.. very much used to being alone....but now that ...i know...when i wake up everyday...i look forward to seeing you here.. right at this very entrance... and...and... i just don't know what i'm saying but... it makes me feel real good...but i know this just can't be good... i'm afraid.. i think i've...fallen... in... in.....l..o....vphrezs....erm lvp....err..love......i think...i.....i think i've fallen in love....with u....

Emerald: What? You must be kidding me right? ahahaha....

Sloth: I'm not...and i'm glad you laughed it out....it'll be fun....if we could meet up every now and then...but not everyday....and perhaps no more crazy stuff like what we did before...i hope you understand....i know you don't feel the same way for me......and i think i'm pretty sure you don't...

Emerald: ...now that you mention it....i...don't know...i really don't...

Sloth: Lets just keep it at you don't =).... and i'm sorry i'm saying all this...i hope you understand.. hahaha i mean...i know you can't understand why i like chilling in this dark lit cave so much...but i hope you understand that i'm afraid to get too close to you.....given your free spirit it can't possibly do us both any good....so....letz just tone it down a lil aite =)???

Emerald: ...okie...if you say so... =)






Sloth and Emerald carried on to meet each other after they shared that little bit of conversation. After awhile, they managed to get themselves to talk at their formerly accustomed stance again, just like when they first met . They abstained from doing anything overly crazy, or talking on sensitive grounds. It was going real well... Sloth bein' d' slowish snail he is, blunders on sensitive grounds every now and then, but nonetheless their relationship was flowing real well...but...this time Emerald... smiled a little less...laughed a little less...and perhaps..frowned a little more...the whole idea probably wasn't working out well for her...she just didn't feel the same. She felt that everything was taking a rather awkward and shallow stance.. it was pretty evident that she didn't really like the way things were flowing...she missed the Sloth which always made her feel real good.. or laugh real hard... in a rather unexpected turn of events... this time she had something to say ....to Sloth..


"Barry Manilow - Can't Smile Without You"

Emerald: ...ermm ermm ermm...can i tell you something??

Sloth: ..hmn?

Emerald: cmoon! cmoon~ b4 i change my minddd!!...you snail you! hhrmphhh!!

Sloth: ...im here..its been quite a day for me...

Emerald: Geez...whats with all your silent pauses...

Sloth: I guess it's a disease i picked up from you..

Sloth: ... hmm don't you dare say something you don't mean to me now...

Emerald: ..dammit i feel so awkward.. and i ALWAYS mean everything i say..except when i'm mean cause yea...i'm all nice inside sooo...hahaha..

Sloth: ...??

Emerald: ...I think i like you more than i think i should.....there! I coughed it out!

Sloth: ...............................................

Emerald: ...You better say something before i smack you!!

Emerald: ...well unlike you...i don't know whether i love you... but i like you ALOT.. talking to you makes me really happy even when my days all crappie.. hahaha...it rhyme's too!

Sloth: .....erm...hem....

Emerald: Okie...i'm feeling awkwardly tensed now so can you please say something already =(...

Sloth: ...you make me real happy too.. you really do... i feel damm comfortable around you... perhaps overly comfortable.. which is why i often get afraid... we're different...i've thought about it alot.. and its gonna be hard.. so if you don't feel the same for me...you don't have to force it out you know.. i can handle it...you'll just have to say so..and i'll get the message.. because of you.. i guess i feel a whole load more comfortable being closer to the light..and for that i'll be forever thankful... you've brought so much good to me...i just don't see the benefit of living my life enclosed in entire darkness anymore... i think now i can take a chance to reach out a little more...thank you for what you've given me... up to this point.. i'm glad..and i'm really happy =)

Emerald: Thats all you've got to say? ...i'm pissed...what about the time when you asked me to take you around outside the caverns' a lil? Don't tell me you've forgotten all about that??...and it's already beyond our control... why choose so hard to fight this...

Sloth: ...i thought of canceling... after we had that chat..the other day... i mean it would eventually lead to nowhere anyway...but i don't know now... i really wanna go out with you =)

Emerald: ...and i wasn't even notified about the 'i thought of canceling' bit...how harsh..

Emerald: So it's a date then. We'll move out tomorrow? =)

Sloth: ...O-kay.......i don't think i can ever express how happy i feel.....and i'm afraid..but i'm really happy...and i'm sorry if i'm behaving queerly or am throwing my words everywhere... this..erm... it all seems a little too sudden for me...but i want you to know i love you ....i truly do =)

Emerald: *hem* ... =)






Sloth and Emerald met during the designated date. They swam around happily... moving further and further away from the caverns. Emerald explained in detail in regards to everything they encountered along the way. Sloth remained unusually silent. His gloomy composure was either due to the fact that he was very mesmerized by the sights around him until the point he was driven speechless, or he got more and more afraid as they strayed further away from the caverns... Coincidently, the silence was broken when both Sloth and Emerald had something to say..


"Switchfoot - Learning to Breathe"

Sloth: ... erm..

Emerald: *hem* ... =)

Emerald: ...you know...you keeping all so quite is not really helping us in any way ..hahaha~

Sloth: .. its funny how you always seem to end everything you say with a laugh

Emerald: I always laugh! regardless~ Hahahaha

Sloth: I like what i see hehe!...erm letz head back now okie?

Emerald: What? So soon....but i still have a lot more to show you...oh well i guess we'll just have to continue this sometime soon then =)

Sloth: Yup yup. Head back we shall =)

Emerald: (....)

Sloth: (....)






They happy sappy two headed back towards the caverns. They shared only little bits of conversations on the way back. The bulk of the moment was filled with long pauses or complete silence....apart from the sound Emerald's swooshing tail made as she swam along. Sloth got off at his usual drop off point. Emerald swam away. It all seemed a lil' too casual.... the thought of the whole moment alone....was probably silently killing Sloth. He felt hopeless, useless, and defected. The thought of everything being as causal as it is drowned him in agony. For a fact, he knows Emerald deserves better... he knows she doesn't deserve to be treated like this. ..albeit the circumstances, he just couldn't bring himself do any more than he already did....he just couldn't....he couldn't... as for Emerald.. she tried her best to understand why Sloth acted the way he did... and even though it hurt her... she decided to push on for him... for her... she really wanted Sloth to think she was different... that she did not fit into the category of the stereotypical superficial masses.. Therefore, to state things clear...she decided to talk to Sloth about it...the next time they met up..


"Matchbox 20 - Unwell"

Emerald: ...hey check out those 4 little fishes, don't they just look adorable? We've been seeing a lot of "4's" lately yeaa... ain't that just cool~~!!

Sloth: ... isn't 4 supposed to be some kinda unlucky number...

Emerald: ... oh god your pessimism is killing me... ahahaha.. lets move along now shall we =)

Sloth: ...hokai

Emerald: (....)

Sloth: (....)

Emerald: ..wow if i don't speak there really will be no word from you now will there?

Sloth: ....i'm sorry.. but....i....i think i just can't do this... i feel really unwell...i need time... alot more time than you think and the more you stick to me.....at this stance... the more hurt you'll get... so if ...if you think you can't deal with this...then... just walk away now... and.... and i'll understand...

Emerald: ... hey...listen... i'm here for you now... and i don't care... of feeling this way... but i want you to try... its not going to work if you don't trust me... and its definitely not going to work if you don't try.. i'm trying.... =)

Sloth: ...i'm sorry.... its just me...i though i could do this...but it looks like its harder than i ever imagined... the ones around you would have a whole lot to say when they see us... we keep on seeing that unlucky number 4 everywhere we go... and we're different... and.. forever just seems like an illusion and...

Emerald: Stop!!....what have i been doing for you all this while? ....do you even trust me? and hey 4 is just a damm number! Don't look too much into it....we're gonna be just fine okie? I'm here for you now...we can depend on each other....we can make this work.... but only if you start trusting me more...

Sloth: (....)

Emerald: ... look all around you sweets, don't you just like what you see? ... aren't the colours just adorable =)




Sloth: ... yea...actually.... i....i really do... they're pretty blurry still to me...but i guess i'm just not trying hard enough to conceptualize everything well...i'm sorry... i'm really sorry...i love you sweets... stick with me alright? I promise i'll make this worth it...for the both of us....i'll make this worth it... =)

Emerald: *hem*!! =) =) ......head back to the caverns now, shall we =)?

Sloth: ...no.....actually...lets not go back there.... lets go where you want to go... i guess its about time i really tried a little harder... and i wanna try for you =)... lets move as far away from that cursed dark lit cavern as possible =)?

Emerald: .... *smiles* ....letz! =)

Sloth: ..you know...i know everything's moving pretty slow...and i thought we really could 'take it slow' ....but its not fair for you..coz you seem to be trying real hard... for me... and i think its darn sweet... so ..*hem*... letz move out...i really wanna do this! =)






Sloths decision to leave the caverns behind without doubt hastily drove the phase of uncertainty away. Everything was working out marvelously. They spent months being happy together. Sloth was no longer the usual silent tiny black snail he used to be....every word he uttered never failed to be accompanied with a glittering smile. Emerald on the other hand.. maintained her previous composure... never showing or giving any more...neither did she show or give any less. The synchronization of both their composures warranted things would always work out well in the end of the day. Sometimes, they would fight...but just like how fruits would never fail to flourish from living plants, they would always make up... and as unpredictable as the water currents, the two would not always wake up everyday to a smile. However, with each other's presence, never would they ever fail to make it through a bad day together with at least feeling a little bit more self assured... a little bit less miserable.. and a whole lot more happy... as oxymoronish as it sounds, even their bad days were filled with shimmering waves of happiness...


"Estranged - Itu Kamu"

Emerald: .... oh no.... i seem to be doing real bad with predicting the water currents... i feel so hopeless... all the rest seem to be doing much more better off than me...

Sloth: I've been really hopeless in predicting anything around here of late sweets~... hahaha.. i mean i used to be so good with the caverns...but everything out here seems so beyond my scope..my predictions.. but then i guess it makes it all the more fun for me hehe! Cheer up sweetheart, just keep practicing... i bet you'll pull through!! =)

Emerald: Thanks darl... i just see no point in knowing the types of rip currents and how nature programs it... whyy whyyy....bah! Hahaha.... anyways you keep learning too... knowing you... when you're really driven to get something....you'll usually always get it =) =)

Sloth: Erm!! I will will!

Emerald: hey...on random... what i do i mean to you =)?

Sloth: err...emmm arrr...eerrr.... i don't know =P?

Emerald: FINE! don't tell me then!

Sloth: Ho-kaiiiii~!! =) =P

Emerald: If you don't say it then i'll take it as you DON'T love me...

Sloth: (*eeks*... ..)...can i say it in short? rather than the usual lengthy?

Emerald: Erm!! =)

Sloth: You're the best thing which ever happened in my life....and i mean it....you complete me =)

Emerald: Haha...okie.... :)

Sloth: ...Why me ? ....and....do you think we could last forever?

Emerald: Huh!!! What? ahahaha... erm... because i never thought there was anyone who was worth it before this... and i hope so...i really hope so =)

Emerald: ...and *geez*!! Why so random!!

Sloth: tee hee... i just felt like it~

Emerald: Okie dokie... i got to go for a bit.. i'll leave you here for awhile alright? I'll come get you when i'm done.. catch yea later yellow mellow dirty fellow ~

Sloth: You know..i'm really happy now =).... last time...when i felt so alone...i used to tell myself.. and i really convinced myself so that... 'there is no love, love is just a temporal illusion of everlasting happiness' ..and after that i would feel really assured...and happy with the life i lived.. but not anymore... i really don't feel that way anymore...you took that hollow and lonely part away from me...and for that...i'll be forever thankful =)

Emerald: (...............................................................................................................................)

Sloth: laterzzz~~ ...love yieouu =)

Emerald: I love you too.






That marks the usual on how Sloth and Emerald would always meet everyday...its funny how Sloth's insecure and untrusting nature took a complete turn... he completely trusted Emerald now....until the point its safe for one to assume in some situations, he was being completely naive and gullible... by rationally taking things into consideration... who would ever feel completely assured and safe when perhaps..for example.. the other half dwells into areas of intoxicating waters during the darker hours of the day....even if the world would cast doubt upon such actions, Sloth would not. He had faith in Emeralds truthful and trustworthy nature. Sloth believed everything she said to him. He took it word for word. Never did he ever think that Emerald could have it in her to lie or ever hurt him...given that she's one of the very few who knew everything Sloth's been through. Emerald always returned to Sloth at the end of the day... to Sloth, the fact that Emerald always returned was good enough to make him feel completely assured and secure... little did he know that Emerald; although she always made it seem so; was nowhere close in terms of sharing similar faith, in Sloth. She always had her doubts..which Sloth knew nothing about..and she was always ever willing and open on judgments others would have to pass on their relationship....and the more time she spent alone.. the more she felt that Sloth sometimes came to her as a bother..sometimes even to the point she gets surges where she would happily want to rip his throat out.


"Linkin Park - Don't Stay"

Anonymous fish 1: You crazy? He's so far away from you.. i mean he's just a tiny black incapable snail... you're a fish! Even if its such a loving relationship...'fish should be matched with fish'... and thats the way things run throughout these waters...let me introduce you to a few hot hunk's =D




Anonymous fish 2: Hahaha.. things are not going to be easy on you two.. i wonder what would happen if you bumped into your relatives one fine day... hahahaha... you're not taking this seriously right? ArE yOu!!!?





Angel fish!: I don't think everything else matters...i guess its up to you and what you believe... if you have faith in what you believe things would eventually always work out fine...somehow =)






Emerald: I really don't know what i want anymore. I just can't bring myself to love him as much as he loves me... i just can't commit as much..and i just can't stop having crushes ...and it makes it all the more unfair when i get a little irritated when he tells me he thinks certain 'stuff' look hot. This is killing me... i'm calling it off.




Amidst the fickleness, Emerald finally came to a solid decision. She finally decided that she was going to discard Sloth. However, every time she tried...she just could not bring herself to do it...the days dragged into weeks...and finally, somehow they ventured into an unknown terrain because Emerald's uncertainty and sudden loss of laughter was perceived as stress in Sloth's eyes. Therefore, for two whole days they happily spent time together with no outside disturbance....Sloth was really excited after the whole excursion but Emerald...she...somehow found greater confidence to say what she so simplemindedly decided upon without even thinking of taking Sloth's considerations into the equation. She finally decided to drop the bomb on him.






















"Hujan - Meninggalkan Aku Sendiri"

Sloth: hey sweetheart, didn't we just have an awesome time!! Whats with the silence? Its been sticking to you for quite awhile now huh? Chill up abitttt~ ^_^~!!

Emerald: ...hey...i need to talk to you about 'something'... i've been thinkin' about for the 'past few days' ... and its driving me crazy. I was gonna let i brew for a few weeks and then make up my mind but i feel like i'm lying to you somehow by not saying anything.....i'm really really sorry but i don't think we're gonna work out....with you i tried...i truly really did...but i never saw forever...

Sloth: hahaha..0.m.gosh~ thats such a horrible thing to say! Wait..isn't that a line from some book or a movie...no...i really rweally think its from a book...erm i don't really remember which book precisely..i remember a line which sounds something like "its not me, its you"...right? Hahaha~ ...well anyways that was a good one..it really woke me up lolz~!

Sloth:...okie...now whats with the long pause and silence.... its supposed to be a joke right?..... Ems?....erm Sloth to Ems...can you read me? Haha...

Emerald: .... i'm sorry.... i'm not kidding...

Sloth: .....is it really you i'm clinging on to now...?

Sloth: ...whats all this? You said you love me? ...and we just got back from ..*hem* our greatest vacation ever?

Emerald: i do love you...but i realize that....its different... its different compared to the time when i'd always come by the caverns and pay you a visit.....its just different...it just doesn't feel the same now...and you just don't cut...somehow now that i keep rethinking about it...its all not enough.. everything's not enough..

Emerald: ....its just not right. Somehow it wasn't right from the beginning but i wanted it anyways.. and now its just not working....

Sloth: .....i'm speechless.....

Emerald: i don't expect you to say anything....i'm leaving =) .... and i really want you to be with someone who will love everything about you... and you will find her...but i can't...and its just not me....

Sloth: ....why now....why.....why...all this...now.....why all this after i...why......why now....

Emerald: i'm sorry Sloth...i just don't know what else to say to you...

Sloth: ...oh my god...you called me Sloth .... and for some reason.. that really hurt...it hurts like hell... it... all this... it wasn't really isn't hard for you to say is it? ... and this is coming from the one who said she really loves me...oh my gosh...

Sloth: I swear i never saw all this coming.... i thought i meant a whole lot more to you... for you to just say this to me... and call it ends.. like its something purely casual... i guess i was wrong.. all this while... i guess i was so wrong about you...

Sloth: I love you... more than i think i could ever again ... i love you... and this really hurts... i really thought all the arguments we had... all the times we shared... would only make us stronger.. i really thought so... i... this.... i.... i don't think this has really kicked in yet... but... i ... pretty much get the picture... i trusted you... with ... everything... i know i'd appear doubtful to you in many ways when it all began... but... but i always wanted you to feel safe with me... so i told you... gave you.... tried everything... and finally i thought i had that trust... finally i was able to do what i thought i could never ever do.... to love someone with all my heart.... but... never did...i..ever....think.........oh my.... this is all slowly kicking in... when you said... 4 is just a number... i belived you.... when you said i could depend on you... i believed you... when you said "if you hurt me this is for our friendship"... i tried hard for you.... i really tried hard...real hard...i can't believe i'm hearing all this from you now.....not then...not when i was at the "trying phase" ...but... but...now...after having you convince me that i was worth it....ouch..

Emerald: I do love you...or at least i thought i did..but now that i think of it..its just not enough......I feel so useless..and callous...i really don't quite know what else to say... but i made a decision...and i'm sticking to it...i just don't see us working out anymore.

Sloth: ...my heart...i kept with you...and with that thought...i felt safe...i felt stronger... where did i go wrong.... i feel so reduced...so so reduced now....i guess i should have always realized... that i'm just a tiny black snail...just like how you thought about me in the very beginning... to bask in the pretty outdoors...was probably never something for a tiny black snail like me....

Emerald: ........

Sloth: .....i guess....you only led me to believe you thought of things the same...but you... never did...did you..... you never really did........ouch...this hurts...this hurts so so bad...

Sloth: ....i told myself with all i see around me... within the dark caverns.... the things i hear about the pretty outdoors... everybody seems to eventually go their own direction at some point of time...i though that its all too cruel ... when one party probably thinks forever... and later have another just walk out....as simple as that.....its just like a superficial symbiotic relationship... then when you came along ... i told myself... finally here's someone who thinks like me... whenever you tell me about (INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT) ...you get frustrated... whenever you talk about (INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT) ... you get frustrated... why stick together when its not meant to last... you told me...and i felt really comfy...with you...i told myself... here's what i've been waiting for... i prayed i'd find a savior to take me away from the dark caverns... and when i found you i was so thankful.... here's the one who would make an idiot of a life i was living... with all the former but somewhat unethical opportunities i had to bask the outdoors... which i skipped... seem not stupid... here's the one who i'm really gonna take a chance with...here's the one who made my wait...seem worth it..

Sloth: remember when i slided down... with my shell.... so close.... with myself pressed right in between your two eyes...i asked you... "do you think we'd last forever".....you said "you hope so" ..and i said "yay"....you asked me "why am i being so random"....and i replied "i just felt like it" .. you have no idea how happy that made me feel...you have no idea how much that assured me..

Emerald: i wanted it then... i really wanted it... but i feel... i wasn't looking at the whole big picture like i am now.....i'm sorry.....this is all... coming to an end...and ...and.... it ends today... i don't see hope in this anymore...i just don't.

Emerald: ..my friends had a lot to say.. even the people who knew you had a lot to say... everyone had a lot to say... i'm just not there yet... i can't find myself fighting as hard for you.. and its probably not fair....for you..

Emerald: ..they said that its all wrong to begin with...and now that i look at it...i think so too... symbioticaly intimate relationships are usually between fish and fish... its just wrong... we're just wrong.

















Sloth: why am i only hearing all this now when....when...you're the one who made me try so hard...push so hard.......i was the lesser committed...you convinced me by the day.....oh my...how i trusted you....i feel beyond betrayed now...

Sloth: ...then i guess hope was never a part of you on me... and it hurts to the bitterest extent to know so...

Emerald: ... i'm gonna leave you now...and i'm sorry i can't send you all the way back to the caverns.... i'm sorry.....but drop off points here.

Sloth: ... just leave...and don't look back... i'll be fine.. really...I mean how bad can it be right? I'm just a couple thousand meters away from the place i used to call home...there's like several large predators around me...i mean no worries right...only several... for a tiny black snail like me... i'll be fine right? like yeah...how bad can all this be...

Emerald: ....get off! ... don't get sarcastic and please don't make it any harder on me.

Sloth: ...hey ...what else can i say right...you made a decision.. its not like i ever had a chance or say in it anyways....perhaps ideally everyone only cares of protecting and thinking for themselves in the end....and i never learned to do so....all my life...i think that would make me the stupidest of stupid.

Sloth: ...you're really planning to leave me here...all out in the open... aren't you...?

Emerald: i'm really sorry...bye.






Speechless, dumbstruck or...a combination of both would be the best words to described Sloth's condition. He just stood at the drop off zone... feeling completely blank. On the other hand, liberated and carefree would probably be the best words to describe how Emerald felt...although she did face several moments which made her rethink of her actions every now and then, she'd always manage to conceal it far behind her mind and carry on with whatever she was doing for the day...clearly...she was left with the better end of the bargain....Sloth.....Sloth didn't eat... neither could he sleep... neither did he move a muscle... his composure ironically suggested complete equanimity, probably comparable or even outshining an antarctic cod during hibernation....however his mind was not...he kept thinking and thinking... perhaps driving him to a state of temporal insanity... astonishingly enough, he managed to survive the days... predators were probably fooled by his state of absolute camouflage... and his belly was miraculously filled with rare waves of plankton which passed by... if only the planktons had a mind of their own and had not stupidly swayed themselves right into Sloth's mouth...he most definitely would have not eaten them. Sloth felt that time was temporarily frozen ... until one day ...Emerald came by ...again.. like a repaired hourglass.. the sands of time was reignited.. in his life...and he was able to move again... overwhelmed with fear and heartache... Sloth tried his very best to move away from Emerald.. although, at a rather insignificant pace..


"Natalie Imbruglia - Torn"

Emerald: ...i'm really sorry...i feel like a complete idiot now... i know i shouldn't have dropped it on you like that....it was all very unfair to you...

Sloth: *moves along*....

Emerald: ... you have no idea how much i want to take back some of the things i said...i'm not discarding you...i thought by ending it now..i'd be savin us both a shitload of pain. We want different things. Thats just it. And i do love you...even more than i thought i did. I just hate that you seem so determine to make everything seem like a bad memory.

Sloth: *thinks to himself while mumbling* 'there is no love, love is just a temporal illusion of everlasting happiness' *Inner Sloth* -so much for 'not discarding' when you left me to rot for what felt like *years*... so much for 'different things' when all i was made to believe was we wanted the same things...way before the beginning of everything....and to think i was the one who was so heavenly convinced... and so much for 'saving hurt for the both of us' when you're the one who couldn't commit.. probably only feeling hurt to a shrimpful extent...

Emerald: Would you please at least please listen to what i have to say... stop walking away.. you think you're moving but you go nowhere, ... and you'll never reach anywhere at your pace... so stop walking and listen for a bit would you... ohmygod can you please not leave the rocks...you're little and vulnerable... and god knows what might happen..

Sloth: *says* 'there is no love...love is just a temporal illusion of everlasting happiness' ...Inner Sloth - thanks for knowing, yet still taking that bit away from me.. when i tried so hard to refrain since the very beginning...and thanks for acting like you care...

Emerald: I've always had my doubts... and try as i did...i could never think forever... but i thought we could work something out for now... and now i realize that for you...if its not forever then when it ends it will hurt like fuck... and the longer we stay together, the more it will hurt... and i'm so scared that you'll get all closed up again...

Sloth: *loudly says* 'there is no love... love is just a temporal illusion of everlasting happiness' Inner Sloth - you never tried..you never gave your heart out to me..but you made me believe you did... which is why... i tried... and pushed to my very best... and gave mine out to you.. and as pessimistic as i was to begin with.. i was so happy.. i was happy that finally.. in the end .. i actually really could =) ... its real good to know you're implying that you don't hurt at all.. its also really nice to know that something like 'work something out' actually exist when on 'discardment day' i was dealt in a rather cold and nonchalant manner.. to be made to feel completely useless and hopeless..

Emerald: ..i'm so scared about the fact that you remained angry with...for so long... and now i see its just going to be the same... between us...

Sloth: *yells* 'there is no love..love is just a temporal illusion of everlasting happiness...' Inner Sloth - i know even if i were to try real hard in doing so, in working the friendship bit out.. regardless of how much degrading everything to that extent would hurt me, given your callous and impulsive nature.. not only would i be completely stupi-fried, i would only be hurt over and over again... for i am only "small stuff".

Emerald: ....i can see that there's no talking to you now... and since thats the way it is... i want you to know i'm never coming back... ever again... i know its a rather selfish decision... believe me i feel real bad... but i have a life i want to live... and you have one too... and i'll choose to "be happy instead" ... this is farewell...i made a decision... i'm not looking back anymore... take care =)

Sloth: *gibbers* th..e..re.....i.s......n...o.......love.........l..o...ve....i.s....j...u...s...t......an.....i.....l...l.....u...si.....on.....of...... ev...e...r......la....s.....tin....g............h...a......p.p....i.....n...e.....s............s... (.......stunned in style.......)






Emerald meant every word she said. Sloth somehow, clouded by sheer stupidity, believed she did not.... because for one..her messages to Sloth were very unclear... she clearly delivered a somewhat ambiguous motive....nonetheless... he kept moving on....in hope to someday be able to return to his safe haven....or perhaps....die along the way....or....seek a new place of refuge. Sloth always knew he would never be able to return to the caverns..for it would take him a couple of hundred years to do so....he might be dead by then....even if he could...there would be no way he would be able to fight the water currents on the way back...but he kept moving on. Emerald left Sloth at point blank. Days turned into months...and by now...Sloth was pretty sure she really meant what she said....never could he ever have pictured that the one and only person who gave him the most beautiful 4 months of his life could utter such harsh things, tear him down...and leave him....completely...'lifeless'.... Nonetheless, Sloth kept moving and moving at his specialized pace...he cursed the depths because many a time...large and hungry looking predators passed him by, but little did they grant the little tiny black snails wish of wanting to be devoured.... until finally one day... he realized his wish was going to come true....


"Audioslave - Like a Stone"


Sloth: Go ahead...do it.




Marie: So you're a snail, and an ugly black one too..hahahaha... i'm sorry i don't do snails~~





Sloth: Thanks.... that statement sure does make me feel a whole lot more deliciously edible.



Marie: What are you doing out here in the open anyways? You'll get eaten alive.. you're too tinily sad to be able to protect yourself...hahahaha~





Sloth: *thinks* (you females aren't very much different from each other) ... Hey you're a dolphin aren't you? What are you doing at this part of the depths? Aren't you supposed to flock in groups of like 4 or so? ... and aren't you guys supposed to be lurking closer ashore?


Marie: =( ....i'm lost...as in that wouldn't be the most articulate way to phrase it.. doplhin's do have the highest IQ among all other marine lifeforms you know!...and..and we're mammals!..and ...and...and we enjoy @#$%! and....oh crap....okie... sorry for sounding so harsh and all so complicated....i'm Marie...and i'm lost....and lets just keep it at that =)


Sloth: ...I'm Sloth...a fuggin tiny black snail... exactly 6 months ago...i think i was at the happiest state ever in my entire life... now?....i've never felt so horrible before ever.. i guess its what happens when you place all your trust in love... yes...as you can guess..
just like all sad stories where one party is seen to oh so easily walk out on the other...yeah
thats exactly what happened to me....and given the nature of my narrative...i guess you
can pretty much tell on which end of the bargain i fit in. *Sigh*...would you just eat me?


Marie: I think i shan't just "keep it at that"...hahaha!... Okie i don't exactly know why i'm laughing because its not even funny but.... i think i know how you feel... exactly a week ago...i saw someone i'm deeply in love with, with someone else. I just couldn't bare seeing them together... and i just can't understand...how he could ever jump into something new so soon...when he told me...when he made me believe...that what we
shared together...was....truly special..and...nothing...could ever take it away from us...
it just hurts to see him move on so easily...so...i swam and i swam and i swam further
away from shore into the depths in hope to get away....and thats how i got here =) not
very much different from your reason to want to be eaten alive i suppose...
hahaha....we're such sad misused souls~


Sloth: *sigh* indeed we are..... but you know... isn't it funny...now that we're all alone.. it makes us feel so incomplete? Well...i don't know how it was for you...but once upon a time i was really used to living alone..and i was pretty good at it too! =)...


Marie: Yeah...true...it feels like we just keep moving ahead...with no prior direction.. ever wonder whether the sun and the moon thinks it has a particular purpose to fulfill everyday? Thats why they never fail to illuminate the beds of the oceans...hmm but i think there's one day of the year they both get lazy..a well deserved vacation i would say...ahahaha~ *Sigh* If only he'd choose to not be such a withering seaweed, i
promise i'll be his sunlight forever =)


Sloth: Yea...i get the direction bit....direction seems like no direction at all ahahaha.... and *laughs* i wish it was that simple...i mean if i could reduce all i want to say to one
sentence... i would want her to know that the only reason i didn't walk out in the beginning
was because of who she was to me for 5 preceding years.. she was formerly such a
great friend...therefore, i tried...if it wasn't so...i would have quit the minute i felt we were
both getting a little too close and i would have never looked back.. she told me to never
think it was a lie...she told me it was real... if everything is as real as she claims...then i'd
also like to believe i'm not the only one stupidly hurting now...i know deep down she still
feels the same... i know time would eventually prove me wrong....if i'm ever wrong to begin
with... but i don't want to be in denial for now and state that i'm completely over her...i
love her... and although my actions might seem like i'm resorting to an act of blind faith ....i
still would for now... because i believe... it is real ..she said it is =)


Marie: Wow...that sounds like a winning slogan! Hahaha... but i'd say its effect-less anyways... if the other party doesn't see things the same... What if it really isn't so? Has your mind ever wondered on all the other things you might do? Apart from wanting to get eaten alive haha~...hmm perhaps start a new chapter =)?



Sloth: ....In all honesty, i think of taking up a deathpack...sometimes....but only sometimes....and yeah like you said ..most of the time i'd really love to be eaten alive...but i'm afraid...i'm afraid of death...and i think its wrong...if i were to not try to keep on living and just
end my own life.....i do hope someday something like you would just pass by and eat me...
ahahaha....but oh well...even if i were to ask you to look forward...i guess it wouldn't be so
easy now to do now would it...and the best part is we can't look back either...but its an
evident fact that time heals things.. day by day i feel less negative...in terms of staying alive
and of course....definitely not in terms of thinking...i think a little more negative thoughts
would do me good... its a eat or be eaten world we live in after all.


Marie: Whatever in the world is a deathpack? ...and yeah... i get the 'its hard to really go anywhere' bit.....we're such lost souls... *sigh*





Sloth: A deathpack? It's like selling your soul to the devil.... so that you'll never ever have to feel hurt again.



Marie: What? Is that even possible? Why would you ever wanna do something like that? What are the cost? ....As freaky as it may seem, it sure does sound considerable =P




Sloth: Yeah it totally is...you sell your soul.... and pledge everlasting allegiance to a huge predator....the larger the predator is, the more likely other snails, corals, and smaller sea creatures would be attached to its body....all with different motives...the predator
would help you fulfill 1 wish....whatever the wish may be....and after that wish is satisfied..
you are to serve at his fins for life...or as long as its life span... any forms of insurgencies
would not be tolerated and would often result in death... comparable to how a sea anemone
opens itself up for prostitution to a particular clown fish.






Marie: Wow...sounds really freaky... its like symbiosis gone wrong! Hahaha... but yeah i don't think you would resort to such a thing.... you sound like the kind who has so much more to live for once you find your sense of direction again hehehe! ...but who am i to say that...i'm not sure whether i'll ever myself..i don't even know how long that's going to take...hahaha... and you do sound like you love her a lot.. it must
be straining you loads ...the thought of waking up everyday...knowing she won't be
by your side...anymore.. =)...


Sloth: I really do love her...i guess if i didn't i wouldn't feel this hurt....but hey... what the hell... she said
she's was not happy...
and i'm not right for her...
and someday.. i'll find that person i'm looking for...
well i justly believe i already did.. but if that's how she feels about me then
...what.....else...can....i say....right? .... =)


Marie: Life oh life.... I guess we both have a choice we could make here...its either we'd shallowly smile throughout our days...or reserve a slight bit of hope... that we'd be able to somehow ....somehow...find that state of ecstatic happiness again.... i guess in the end..time would decide it all...all in good time i suppose... =)

Sloth pushed to live on....in strong believe that the longer he stays alive; someday he'll hopefully find it in him to live well again.... but at least for now, he knows that...

".....he was never one to have good luck for something like this, and it was never in him to be able to step down so quickly...."
wo zhen de mei you tian fen, an jing de mei zhe me kuai

"....but....

....but .....he'll learn to give her up.....because he loves her too much" =)
wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni, shi yin wei wo tai ai ni

P/S: ......................."If you're here again the you must have realized that this tiny pathetic last part here has changed; do me that favour. Never look back. Coz i won't. I've well moved on =)" ................ =)